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Thread: Jokes Thread

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Posts
    4

    Smile Jokes Thread

    The Wrong E-mail


    A man left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail.

    Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint. Hearing the scream, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

    "Dearest Wife,

    Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
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    4
    Bill Gates Died

    When Bill Gates died, he went up to Heaven, where Saint Peter showed him to his house; a beautiful 20 room house, with grounds and a tennis court. Bill Gates was pleased, and spent many months enjoying the amenities of Heaven.

    One day, he was enjoying one of Heaven's many fine parks, when he ran into a man dressed in a fine tailored suit.

    "That is a nice suit, my friend," said Gates. "Where did you get it?" "Actually," the man replied, "I was given a hundred of these when I got here. I've been treated really well. I got a mansion on a hill overlooking a beautiful hill, with a huge five-hundred acre estate, a golf course, and three Rolls Royce's."

    "Were you a Pope, or a doctor healing the sick?" asked Gates. "No," said his new friend, "Actually, I was the captain of the Titanic."

    Hearing this made Gates so angry that he immediately stalked off to find St. Peter.

    Cornering Peter, he told him about the man he had just met, saying, "How could you give me a paltry new house, while you're showering new cars, a mansion, and fine suits on the Captain of the Titanic? I invented the Windows operating system! Why does he deserve better??!!!!"

    "Yes, but we use Windows till this date," replied Peter, "and the Titanic only crashed once.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
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    4
    Great writer

    Great Writer "There was once a young man, in his youth, his desire was to become a great writer.

    When asked to define great, he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"

    He now works for Microsoft writing error messages..........

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
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    4
    Bill Gates Chair

    Bill Gates died in an accident involving a misguided pie which was thrown at him by an angry Macintosh protester. Because of his achievements in life, it was decided that he should go to heaven.

    God Personally showed Bill around heaven, displaying the Waterfalls, Great Forests, Lagoon's and Wet-T-shirt contests that are held regularly. Bill was impressed by all of them and kept nodding his head in approval, which pleased God because he enjoyed pleasing others.

    When they finished the tour, God took Bill into his Throne room and sat down on the blindingly shiny throne. God asked Bill how he had enjoyed heaven so far, and Bill replied;

    "It's been great, but you're in my chair."

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
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    0
    u made me laugh.. thanks for the sharing

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Posts
    126
    All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was in charge.

    "I should be in charge," said the brain, "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."

    "I should be in charge," said the blood, "Because I circulate oxygen all over, so without me you'd all waste away."

    "I should be in charge," said the stomach, "Because I process food and give all of your energy."

    "I should be in charge!" demanded the rectum, "Because I'm responsible for waste removal."

    All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight.

    Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, and the blood was toxic. Eventually the other organs gave in and all agreed that the rectum should be the boss.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    148
    Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist. If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for five years.

    The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board looking over an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump.

    The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms.

    Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs.

    The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump. "Congratulations! You're a free man. Just tell me why didn't you jump?" asked the doctor.

    To which the third patient answered, "Well Doc, I can't swim!"

  8. #8
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Posts
    5

    Hello

    Ha ha ha ha ha very very funny jokes man,,,,

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
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    112
    They are really funny that a lot for sharing them. Now I have a good mood.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Posts
    1
    I think,When Bill Gates died, he went up to Heaven, where Saint Peter showed him to his house; a beautiful 20 room house, with grounds and a tennis court. Bill Gates was pleased, and spent many months enjoying the amenities of Heaven.

    One day, he was enjoying one of Heaven's many fine parks, when he ran into a man dressed in a fine tailored suit.

    "That is a nice suit, my friend," said Gates. "Where did you get it?" "Actually," the man replied, "I was given a hundred of these when I got here. I've been treated really well. I got a mansion on a hill overlooking a beautiful hill, with a huge five-hundred acre estate, a golf course, and three Rolls Royce's."

    "Were you a Pope, or a doctor healing the sick?" asked Gates. "No," said his new friend, "Actually, I was the captain of the Titanic."

    Hearing this made Gates so angry that he immediately stalked off to find St. Peter.
    Last edited by samliew; 01-05-2010 at 07:39 PM. Reason: fake sig removed

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Posts
    5
    Great set of jokes! Thanks. I'd add one, but I can never remember the good jokes I hear...
    BTW, looks like the poster above just cut and pasted part of a previous joke?
    RedRooster was here!

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Singapore
    Posts
    1,766
    Quote Originally Posted by Pulse View Post
    They are really funny that a lot for sharing them. Now I have a good mood.
    Quote Originally Posted by alexissamantha View Post
    Ha ha ha ha ha very very funny jokes man,,,,
    Quote Originally Posted by Chesbrodwight View Post
    u made me laugh.. thanks for the sharing
    Kindly refrain from posting one-liners and non-jokes posts in this thread. Future remarks will be removed.

    Regards.

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Posts
    3
    Do you want to hear a dirty joke?

    A white horse fell in the mud.

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Posts
    9
    People like YOU always remain forever…:Funny

    Beautiful flowers die….
    Nice stories end……
    Lovely songs fade…….. ..
    Momeries are forgotten… ..
    All things comes to end…..
    But people like YOU always remain forever
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    BECAUSE GHOSTS NEVER DIE
    spam links not allowed in signatures

  15. #15
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Posts
    8
    An elementary school class goes on a field trip to the police station. The Officer points to the 10 MOST WANTED list and tells them that these are the most wanted fugitives in the USA. Little Boy says " He is the MOST WANTED in the USA?!" Officer says "Yes." Little Boy asks "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture.

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